Chapter XII - JACK DANIELS, OH PLEASE, NOT AGAIN!

I just finished work that day, and as usual, after work, the kitchen colleagues and I went for a drink at the bar of the restaurant where we worked. I took a seat on the corner of the bar, where I had a look outside, and I noticed that it started snowing, it looked beautiful and it reminded me of earlier cold Dutch winters. For some minutes now I was staring at a bottle of Jack Daniels, calling me to have one……….

On the plane, on the way to the US, about seven months ago, I had my last drinks and then went cold turkey upon arrival, from being a drunk to becoming a caring husband and father. It didn’t go easy, and after months the longing for alcohol was still on my mind, but at least I didn’t drink.

Life was treating us all right, I had a job and I liked where we lived, in the little house in Ellicott City, we didn’t have much money, but we had each other and loving family members living close by.

“What are you having Nino”, asked Dave the bartender. “I’ll go for a Jack Daniels” “Ice?” “Yes please”

Just one, I lied to myself, then I stop again!

It tasted heavenly, the best Bourbon I ever had, I felt the alcohol going straight to my brain and I liked to feel the rush that I had missed all those months. After the second glass, I walked to my car, cleaned the windows from the snow, and drove slowly home on the snowy roads.

Now what? Worries and guilty feelings came over me, I can’t drink, I will ruin everything. Patricia will hate me for it. I passed our house and drove first to the 7-11 to buy a Kit Kat chocolate bar, so I wouldn’t smell like Jack Daniels. Coming home, I kissed Patricia to say hello, she stared at me for a minute. She must have smelled the Bourbon on my breath, but she didn’t give an inch.

It took a while for it to become a daily habit again. I found myself a new job as Executive chef of a hotel on the Washington Beltway and going home after work, at the stoplight just a couple of meters from the Hotel Parking lot, I could take a right turn direction I 95 North, direction Baltimore or a left turn to the bar opposite the hotel. The last weeks on a daily basis I did almost every day the left turn and drank two Jack Daniels and two beers before heading home.

The pressure to drink became a burden to me, on my days off I had to make up excuses to sneak out for a drink, and by now it was no secret for Patricia anymore that I drank again, happily not like before, but still………

So, that Friday I came home, I had a few too many, didn't lie about it, and I asked Patricia to help me find an AA Meeting. She gave me a long hug and her eyes showed her instant happiness about my decision to seek help. The next day I went to my first AA Meeting, in a room with about 25 people, all the same as me I realized, Alcoholics. “Hello, I am Nino and I am an alcoholic” I mumbled not too excited. “Hello Nino, welcome!” chanted the room. The man next to me chose to speak and told his life story. His story sounded so familiar to mines and it made me realize that I was not the only one with such a drinking problem. I understood after that first meeting that I had a disease but that it was curable.

BUT WHAT I COULDN'T KNOW THEN YET, WAS THAT FROM THAT DAY, I NEVER WOULD DRINK ONE GLASS AGAIN

Months later, I was waiting for my appointment with Doctor Burley, our family doctor. The waiting room was empty and Burley’s assistant asked me:

“How is the not drinking going?” “Actually very well, no drinking at all”, I answered her. “THE LORD MUST BE WITH YOU!”, she said cheerful and proud. I am not religious, but I still loved her for saying that to me.